Blag Post no. 3: More like i-Continue to waste my time with anything that starts with a lower case "i"

i-Dosing? They should call it i-Dozing...Enough of my painful attempts at punnery.

As if I don't have enough chagrin to go around to everything preceded by the ego-centric lower case letter that will stand as a symbol, metaphor, and punchline of our brave new culture for a vast many years to come, let's add i-Dosing to the list.

i-Wasted 8 and a half minutes watching a kaleidescope and listening to trance house music on the highest viewed youtube "i-dose" video. I even held out until the end "to feel the full effect." Fail 1: "Millenium Bug" 453k views on the yoo-toob.

i-Thought surely 453 thousand people could be wrong, as they usually are, so I picked the most amusing looking link regardless of the views. More trance music, excellent. However, the video was a most mesmerizing optical illusion. To my great surprise, after only a minute of watching I had thoroughly distorted vision that made things seem to move in waves. I shut my eyes quickly, in a little bit of panic, however, once I opened them, I was back to normal. But since that optical illusion is readily available elsewhere on the internet, sans trance music, that made this one, Fail 2: "Natural hallucinogen legal high" 63k views on the u-tüb.

i-Googled briefly, hoping to find a wikipedia article, but saw a news article explaining that the idea is based upon binaural audio, which is a scientifically explored audio illusion of sorts with no drug inducing symptoms, but perhaps if you wished them enough, you could make it come true. One last trek to the who-tube looking for these elusive binaural beats gave me fail 3: "Infinite Bliss Unisonic Ascension" 950k views

Which brings me to Fail number 4. This is a special shout out for every damned fool chasing a digital high and the society that's driven them to such ridiculousness. But let's keep things in perspective here, almost a third of this nation thinks Palin has the chops for presidency and Glenn Beck has one of the highest rated radio and TV shows in America. I mean, at least it keeps kids off the streets.

While you're probably bummed out that you'll have to get high like the rest of the proles, with drugs, I find the next best thing to a digital high would be hefty dose of Florence + The Machine because everyone could use a little symphonic positivity. Try "You've got the Love", "Kiss with a Fist", or "Cosmic Love".

Andrew

P.S. I'd like to dedicate this post to Jules Verne. Happy Birthday!